Originally VSARG stood for “Vaisnava Survivors of Abuse Resource Group”. After some discussion, however, it became “Vaisnava Support and Abuse Resource Group” in order to include a greater number of “survivors”.
When I first heard the idea “survivor of abuse” I very much appreciated the inherent strength in the expression – especially if we contrast it with the more commonly used term of “victim”.
For me, the word “survivor” conjures up a picture of someone who has been through a terrible experience, but who has come out the other side more or less intact and perhaps even strengthened. On the other hand, “victim” suggests someone who is in a helpless condition – someone who is destined to suffer and perish at the hands of another. Therefore, to be a survivor of abuse has a very different feel to it than to be a victim of abuse.
Interestingly, it is possible for us to take either stance as a response to what we experience in life.
Playing the part of a victim is not limited to violent attacks, but also to how we react to the everyday ups and downs of life. In some ways, being a “victim” is convenient because then we don’t have to take responsibility for our own failings or weaknesses, but can blame them on others.
For example, an adult who blames a parent who was emotionally distant for their own inability to express affection remains in the position of a small child – weak and helpless. Alternatively, when we as grown-ups take responsibility for our failings (understanding that those failings come from either bad choices or negative experiences), then we are in contact with the power and independence of an adult.
As with many things in life, the transition from victim to survivor is usually a gradual one. It is rare for someone to wake up one day “snapped out” of one frame of reference and “snapped into” the other. These things take time, sensitivity, patience, and compassion.
